My...stuff...

Your dating personality profile:

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.

Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active.

Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your Top Ten Traits:

1. Liberal

2. Athletic

3. Big-Hearted

4. Stylish

5. Adventurous

6. Shy

7. Intellectual

8. Sensual

9. Practical

10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Your date match profile:

Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.

Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.

Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape.

Your Top Ten Match Traits:

1. Shy

2. Intellectual

3. Athletic

4. Big-Hearted

5. Conservative

6. Adventurous

7. Stylish

8. Practical

9. Traditional

10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Some stupid thing.

About names: Those, who know, just know.
Birthdate: January, 7th, 1986
Place Born: Pärnu, Estonia
Zodiac Sign: Capricorn // Wood Ox // Birch
Height & Weight: 175 cm tall & around 55-60 kg
Eye Color: Different colors = right eye is just blue or has a lot of different colors in it; left eye is usually just blue, and occasionally has green or gray shade.
Hair Color: Coloured red. Natural is ash blonde.
Shoe Size: 36
Ring Size: Have no idea, but it might be something around 5 or so.
Siblings: One brother.
Tattoos: None, but have scetches ready.
Piercings: Had ears and lip piercing. None at the moment, but will come septum, snakebites and stretchened ears.
Hobbies: writing, reading, art, collages, music, being alone, rpg, mmorp, human anatomy, etc.

Favorites

Color: All colours, tbh.
Food: Salads, tomato, mushrooms, ketchup, pasta, bloodsausages.
Candy: Liquorice, sour candies, chocolate.
Pizza: Pineapple and mushrooms.
Cereal: Chocolate. Yumm. 
Fruit: Apples, mangos, watermelons, pears, grapes.
Vegetable: Carrots, cauliflower, cucumber, tomato.
Alcoholic Beverage: Whiskey!!!.  Also sweet red wines, pina colada, absinthe.
Soda: Natural Tartu lemonade.
Cake: Chocolate.
Book: There is a lot of them. Go check: Literature
Radion Station: AOL different ones. Or Raadio 2 ((EST)).
Type of Music: Practically anything, but the most favourates are classical and hard rock, progressive, gothic, symphonic, dnb, ambient, country.
Movie: Movies
Cartoon: Invader Zim, Steamboy, The Fosterhouse of Imaginary Friends.
Actor: Johnny Depp, Vin Diesel, John Travolta, Heath Ledger ((RIP )), Jared Leto, Jake Gyllenhaal.
Actress: Nicole Kidman, Audrey Tautou, Christina Ricci
Music Group: Last FM
Day of the Week: Don't do days of the weeks.
Month: Dose not matter.
Season: Winter
Holiday: Anti-holidays, thanks.
Number: 3, 5, 7, 13.
Restaurant: Pub "Rolling Beer" in Estonia.
Teacher: My first teacher.
Hangout: "Rolling Beer", Pärnu or "Underground" bar in Tartu, Estonia.
Sport to Watch: Snowboarding, skating, bmixing.
Sport to Play: Volleyball, footbag.
Animal: Foxes, Wolves, Cats, Giraffes.
Flower: Small and simple field flowers.
Party Game: Depends. Usually don't do them. Just like to watch others making fool out of themselves and laugh and drink on my own.
Physical Feature: Necks, hands, hair and eyes.

Have You Ever

Been on a Plane: Nada.
Ran into a wall: Have happened. Many times.
Woke up in someones bed: Yeah.
Smoked: Love it.
Been Drunk: Plenty.
Kissed someone of the opposite sex:   Stupid question, of course.
Kissed someone of the same sex: Plenty of times.
Cried over a movie: Yeah. Tears are good, but not to be shown to others, though.
Fallen asleep during a movie: Have happened.
Made a Prank Call: Oh ye.
Skipped School: Oh, many times.
Climbed a tree: Yes, and have fallen asleep on the appletree.
Broken a bone: Nada. Iron bones, mate.
Passed out: Mhmh.
The Last Song you heard: Brick & Lace - Love is Wicked
Thing you said: "I am tired."
Time you cried: Few nights ago.
Movie you saw in a theater: Can't remember. Possibly was one Estonian movie, several years ago. It was the last time.
Thing you ate: Sandwitches.
Thing you drank: Berry tea.
Person to call you: Di.
Person you called: Mom.
Time you showered: Last day.

At this Moment

What are you doing besides this survey: Listening to radio and doing mental disorder tests.
What are you wearing: A lot of clothes. My fave long black-white hoodie.
What are you thinking: I want to die.
What do you wish you were doing: Traveling in US.

Your Future

Occupation: If I live that far. Artist. Producer of movies.
Marriage Site: Fuck that, alone is the best to be.
Honeymoon: Jamaica or Brazil or Spain or Paris.
Place to Live: US, France, Spain.
Kids: Four the most.
Vehicle: Plymouth Road Runner, sky blue and '68.
What are your plans for tomorrow: The same old rutine.
What are your plans for this weekend: To sleep it through.
Next Vacation Site: Nada. Don't do plans.

Out of your Friends

Best Friend: Marju and Liisa.
Funniest: Emy, Liina, Megs.
Loudest: Umm... Braindeath.
Quietest: Max.
Craziest: Megs and Emy. 
Smartest: Lili and Lia Lia.
Sexiest: Me. 
Most Hyper: Medeabear and myself. 
Most Annoying: I don't like those questions, because labeling people like this is not nice!.
Drinks the most: =.=
Parties the most: Fuck you, I don't like it!. 
Has Kids: Some have, so what?.
Is Married: Whatever, whoever. Me and Megs. 

Other

Who do you wanna hug: All my friends.
Who do wanna kiss: All my friends, who deserve it. 
What is something you dont understand about the opposite sex: Is there any?.
First thing you notice in the opposite sex: Shoes.
What do you look for in personality: Stability, humour, understanding, flexibility.
Biggest Turn off: When people step on me and try to get me into chains. I don't do that. The more people gling on me, the more they command me and play tricks with me, the more it pushes me away.
Biggest Turn on: Knowledge, when people know what they want, intelligence, good aura, mysterious existence.
Do you like to hug: Yes, indeed.

This Or That

Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
Sprite or Sierra Mist: Sprite
Boxers or Briefs: Boxers are more smexy. 
Bikini Underwear or Thong: Nada.
Flowers or Candy: Candeh.
TV or Radio: Radio.
Coffee or Tea: Tea.
Sun or Moon: Moon
Day or Night: Night
Dog or Cat: 
Ford or Dodge: Dodge, obviously.
Dodge or Chevy: Look up, Dodge, baby.
Blond or Brunette: Brunette
Tall or Short: Taller than me.
Comedy or Romance: Comedy.
Movie at home or Theater: Movie at home.
Single or Group Date: No dates.
Single or Taken: Single and not looking, actually. If things happen, they happen. But I try to avoid relationships, yes.

Other Randomness

What color is your shirt: Stripes. Pink. Purple. Stripes. Violet. Stripes.
What size is your bed: Enough for one.
How long does it take you to shower: A lots of time. Love to take long and hot ones.
What is something you cant live without: Music.
Can you cook: Oh yeah.
How old do you wanna be when you get married: If I even live that long...
Where do you wanna get married: >.<
What is your best physical feature: Neck, legs, eyes.
Do you talk to yourself: Oh yes. Conversations with my "imaginary" friends is very intruiging.
Do you get annoyed easily: Yeah, happens.
Do you like piercing and tattoos: Oui.
Are you crazy?: Indeed.
Do you like to make out: A-sexual I am, thanks.
Can you swim: Oh yes. Can't get out of water, if possible.
Could you be a teacher: Nada.
Do you like Orange juice: Nada.
Are you bored: Very, yes. All the time, mostly.

Lets dance!.

Personality Disorder Test

Answered simply honestly.

How can you take the test, when you are not honest with yourself?.

Even, when it hurts.

Disorder | Rating

Paranoid: Very High

Schizoid: High

Schizotypal: High

Antisocial: High

Borderline: Very High

Histrionic: Very High

Narcissistic: High

Avoidant: High

Dependent: Moderate

Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

You..

... have made my day better.

Why you make me feel good like you do?.

Why is there butterflies?.

What are you?

Who are you?.

Explosions on the highway

I will be unavailable for a while via internet.

I might check in few, but being too overwhelmed,

I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there.

It is hard times at the moment for me, mentally, psychically and so on.

The vitamins don't help as they should, because the freaking headaches are back.

Last night it felt like my head will fucking explode, literally.

Even simple touch hurts.

Tired of people, tired of being forgotten and then picked up again, if it is needed.

Tired of being used, tired of being accused.

Tired of being alive, as simple as that.

I don't know what is wrong with my head, because I had to cancel my doctor appointments, due the fact that we couldnt afford it. And if they dont find AGAIN what the fuck is going on in my head and WHY those migraines are getting worse, I need to ask letter from my shrink for brain examination and if this dosent help too... Idk what I am going to do. I refuse to eat painkillers, because they simply won't help. >.<

Days of the New

I introduce you my new addiction:

Mental Redardation is caused by Rock music, darlings.

Fools.
FOOOOOOLS.
Yeah, everything that is good is mental retardation...
Yer not gonna make us robots!.

Be happy with the mainstream.
Not.
Gonna.
Make.
Us.
Brainless.
Motionless.
Stupid.
Blind.
Robots!.

Some thoughts...

Today I woke up with Breaking Benjamin in my mind, two songs, one, then another one, then the first and then the second. Switching places, like it is absolutely okay. It isn't okay. Not for me. Never. Because so many have cried into these songs, so many have gone into death, carrying them in themselves. There are so many solutions and no real consequences, because people simply do not like to take the responsibility. They fear, and from fear comes hate. Why do we need to be afraid and therefor, why we need to hate?.

I live on, just because I am not ready to quit yet. There are things to cross my path. Things to be done. I want to have a road trip in United States. And there are so many other things and peoples, to become part of my stupid human life. It is pathetic, simply pathetic, because I am afraid to live. My mind and body freezes, when I need to go and do those everyday things. It all freezes, I turn my back once more and run away, leaving disasters behind me. This brings me to one thing - who am I to speak about responsibility. This is certainly something that I should keep my tongue away from.

It is always good to give advice to others, and never follow them. Good to deny the truth, as so many are doing. Just want it all to disappear and disappear with me. People giving me hope, the same hope that has shattered long ago. Don't want to step into the same pool of dirt, where all that lies are fake memories and stupid illusions. Held it all inside of me, the feelings and thoughts, not letting them sink out and get to others. They don't need my judgement or my worries over something that for them is nothing. Their problems have engaged them, there is no room for others.

Many have called me with a name of "Angel", promised me never hurt me and yet they do. Because they are afraid. Because I am not good enough. This is just another reason in the list. Like the same person, who broke my nerves and just accused and accused and kept doing it, until I just broke. She is another reason in the list as well. There are so many days, when I wish I don't feel. I want to trash my empathic powers and just slide away from the view. Shedding tears, silently in my room. Or hoping that I don't wake my brother, who have come home over such a long time, because I just can't stop the tears. I want to disappear. Can I disappear?. May I...

...disappear?.

*

And I'm here because of faith
And not all of the times you left me bleeding
It was faith and not all of the times you left me bleeding
/-/
I've been awakened
By the lonely tears falling down my face again
And the bitterness on my skin
It's not forgotten
But you've forgiven everything I've ever done

- Puddle of Mudd "It Was Faith" lyrics

9 Star Ki Personality Divination

- Your data -
Your Birthday:1/7/Year 1986(Female)
9 Star Ki of Year:6 metal 9 Star Ki of Month:3 wood

Your True Nature: You are a very proud woman. Since you have a high self-esteem and a strong sense of justice, you can't forgive wrongdoings and mistakes. Many of you are a person of large caliber with a strong spirit of independence who doesn't get upset at anything. You take the initiative to do what others hate to and take good care of others, but you are too stubborn to listen to others. Many of you are serious, well-organized and responsible enough to be a work-oriented person. You enjoy the confidence of others due to your self-confidence and abilities to act and decide. However, you may have some trouble associating with others because of your pride despite your honesty. And you often look down on others and are highly unsociable. You tell a tall story to go beyond your budget, but you can lead and organize others. However, you have some human-relation problems, because you are unskillful in dealing with people, highly unsociable and inflexible as well as you hate to give in or to be ordered. 

*

Your Character: You are a woman who insists on having her own way and hates to lose. There is remedy if we have trouble with others, for you are cheerful by nature though you make a fuss. Since you are also kind to others, your character has both extremes in its trait. You always keep your mind young, and you are sensitive to the trend. Once you make up your mind, you rush headlong without regard to appearance. On the other hand, you often get tired of things. Your relationship with others tends to go sour since you speak plainly and frankly. 

*

You are a cool woman who is relied on by men. You are sedate and cautious, so you act with the utmost caution. You won't make a big mistake or have a great success. You are relied on by men because of your calmness. You are a highly saving-minded woman. 

Through desertcold...

I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear!.

*

Just another reason in the list.

She is now.

I confess. We did it again.

We let the blood ripple down from this pale skin.

We did it again...

...'cause the pain is too much.

I just fucked it up again.

and again.

and again, again, again...

We are all...

John Lydon & morninglunch

Bitterness wipes my eyelids, while we master the grumpy old games.

With whoever comes by.

Music: John Lydon - Open Up

(Chemical Brothers Mix)

Chestris runs like sand through my fingers.

We have mastered it.

On the level 8.

Deftones' "Knife Party" have created different illustrations

and become slaughterhause on the corner of crossroads street.

We have sat in strangers' kitchen.

Smoked their cigs and drank their heavy liquid.

We would do it again.

Without any companion.

Only the smashing music pulsing and beating from the walls.

Refrigerator melting in deadly peace.

Last pair of blood sausages kneeling over the emptiness.

Haunting in this desert of cage.

Curl Up And Die

Admitting some certain facts to yourself is rather fascinating,

don't you agree?.

Always been in love with the concept of death....

....and life.

Death, more like death.

Something so enchanting and beautiful.

Also.
I do not recognize the New Year bullshit.
We roll on.
Another year have passed by.
So what?.
We still roll on.

03rd Januar.

4 days to run.

4 days of illustrative maniacs in my head.

It is ugly up there.

A horrific fairytale.

But oh my, oh my, I do not complain.

Every being is yin and yang.

We all have darker side.

Some of us has it more grotesque than others.

And then there is light.

Which side drawns you the most?.

Or you like to linger on the edge?.

Play with bottles filled with colours like gray-grey.

My Google Chrome has hedgehog in the fog.

Now I have been in the fog too,

accompanied him ((or her)) with a can of the best grandma's jam jam

and some shrooms from yesterday.

Only the electric musical impulses satisfy lately.

They take away the frizzy energy waves from my brain

that hurt much. Lately they do. Much.

Moby, UNKLE, Radiohead.

You name it.

Skinny Puppy, NIN.

And I tell if it is enough or not.

*

I wander, I wander.

Sometimes there are times, when I want to pull all the nerves outta of mah bodeh.

Seriously now.

Then I wander, I wander.

Would I still "feel". Emotions are not ran by nerves,

are they now?.

Decisions, decisions.