For bullshit and rambling.

Making some tests in Facebook.

Just finished manga Kurohime and I want more of it.

Clearly it wasn't the end.

Feeling restless and bored.

Something is going to happen.

God knows when, only he knows, or not so much.

What Crazy Bitch Are You?.

Sinead O'Connor!.

You are one fierce bitch. You are very independent and will take no bullshit from anyone but your personality is actually sort of quiet and shy. You are a natural beauty and you are very comfortable with your feminity. You don't feel the need to overdo it or go out of your way to fuss over your looks. You don't want to distract people from what you stand for and the talents you possess. You are very idealistic and will go to any extremes to stand up for what you believe in even if it creates controversy and people don't understand. Relationships can be hard for you sometimes because men feel threatened by you but time again they come running to you and realize that you are actually very sweet and motherly....until they cross you.

Mwahahahha!.

True, true!.

Indeed, indeed.

The Cather of Souls // Poem

 I wrote a poem.

It is raw, and might have a feeling that it is unfinished, but I want to leave it like this, cause I kind of like it, even!. And it just came out of nowhere. O.o

*

Sitting on the edge of the milk white porcelain tub,

the bare feet in the murky waters, 

toes smashing through the dirty clothes. 

The woman.

The woman have leaned backwards, 

against the cold and red brick stone wall, 

wearing nothing but a ripped red nightgown,

the flesh flashing and sinking into the eyes of any observator.

Piece of cloth has a large collar, 

around her neck and back of the head. 

The blonde curls are set up into the simple 1940's fashinable set. 

Red lips.

Red lips holding a cigarette between them, 

embracing and cuddling with the steam 

heaving out from between those white bones.

"Come and share the day with me,

as we drink and spread the time,"

she tells me, with this sinister smile.

The rumors.

The rumors are spilled, and chaos starts to evolve.

From the ceilings, last orchestra of Cemetary,

comes and shares the night with us.

"Come and share the night with me,

as we drink and take your soul with greed,"

she sings alongside with the band.

The voices.

The voices and the play,

we all share the same mistakes.

Her spirit flees into the labyrinth of cigarette smoke,

and I try to catch her tender butterfly wings,

that are attatched to the spine,

with cog wheels and buttermilk wine.

The claws of sceletons grab me from behind,

as I run and lost the mind. Please, please, save me from this hell!.

But the lady only laughs on the edge of the tub,

where all the skins of every new victim are held.

"Come, come with us,

to walk on the valley of death."

Follow me down...

I scream out my soul,
and there is no one to listen.

Still all alone, and die alone.

***



Follow me down, and let those waves take you.
Take you, are you ready to go deeper?.
Follow me, follow me, my child.
Follow me...

Music: Chevelle & Breaking Benjamin

You are so very wrong.

Frustration and Art.

I started with new drawing after a long time, and I am in the middle with it. I showed it to my parents and asked, what they think about it.

Here is the resolution:

Mother: Why are you always making everything so violent and brutal?.

Me: Others put their frustration and anger into the music and make band, I put it into my art. 

I have this light light green paper, and on it a lizard woman, sitting on a skull. These are drawed with black ink. Well, those who know exactly what and how my style is, then they are able to imagine it slightly, but those, who have no idea what so ever, must wait for it, until I am able to scan it in, and first finish it, of course. The woman or creature has one leg stretched forward and through this is black long needle, and the capsule of the needle, where usually is somekind of liquid stuff or whatever, is broken into half. A black blood is dripping out from it. She is naked, instead of her nipples are eyes, one on each breast. She has no fingers, just arms. The ear is stitched and the lips are partly open, smiling. The sky and background is orange/yellow, and there is a pattern running through. I haven't decided on the ground yet and over the skull, which means I have no idea in what color the skull will become. But the lizard lady may become light, indigo blue. 

So yeah, they do not understand, why I pain and draw stuff like these, but for me it is a release, a comfort. And I can put the dark things from inside of me into that. Only one person knows what I am talking about, but there may be more. 

I will let you all know, when I have it scanned in. It feels so good to draw after a while again, and I have already new ideas running through my head!. 

Music: APC - Vanishing ♥

Not again!.

Managed to spill my food into the bed. 

The beauty of doing everything on it!. 

Well, I do not believe in tables, anyhoo.

Why to bother?.

Now the sheet is purple on the pink color with white hearts.

Yes, my sheet is worn out baby pink with white hearts on it. 

Damn right, I am cool!.

Soon, out with the fam. dog and then out to the shopping.

I can finally have some cigarettes!.

Soon, I am in the heavens!.

Agh, my lungs, your redemption comes soon!.

Music: Bo Bice - Whiskey, Women and Time ♥

This is your fucking life!.

RaBBit in the Headlights//Comics by Me

- Listen to the silence, man. -

- I bring you good mood!. - 

- Hello?!. -

Newest Art. // Author: Me

- The Brain Nommer - 

- Me & I - 

*

Some have said that I am a psycho.

C'mon, I just love to do stuff, that amuses me.

And if you have problems with that, you may kindly bugger off!.

The Rabbit in the Headlights have better to do!.

We have a war, comrade. We do!.

We have a war.

In the back yard, forefront.

We have a war.

Behind that line, from where begins the woods.

All the roads have drowned, unwalked and illegally clean.

The snow volcano keeps its own work schedule,

alongside with those cursing and begging.

Enough, enough, enough already.

We have a war.

Heavy pellets fall into our souls.

We have a war.

From the battlefield all those bones brake,

in those elbowdeep craters.

Office of Strategic Influence

OSI is an American progressive experimental supergroup formed by Fates Warning guitarist Jim Matheos in 2003. The name refers to the short-lived US government agency Office of Strategic Influence which was established shortly after 9/11 to manufacture and promote pro-US propaganda in domestic and foreign media.

Matheos asked Dream Theater drummer Mike Portnoy to lend his talents to what was initially to be Matheos' solo project. The original style of the project can be heard on the special edition of the CD. The track "The Thing That Never Was," a progressive instrumental, was written by Matheos before any collaborators were involved. Steven Wilson (of Porcupine Tree) was asked to sing on the project, but the style of the music that had been written to that point didn't appeal to him. However, late in the project Wilson contributed vocals for one track, "shutDOWN".

Matheos subsequently recruited Kevin Moore (Chroma Key), who had played keyboards on various Fates Warning albums in the 1990s and early 2000s and was the first keyboardist of Dream Theater before leaving in 1994. Moore edited and developed sections of that track, with further contributions by Matheos, into what became the 10 songs on the main CD.

Sean Malone was then recruited to fill the role of bassist and Chapman Stick player for the band. This left vocalist as the only position to be filled. Daniel Gildenlöw of Pain of Salvation was considered for the job, but as Moore was tracking his own scratch vocals in developing the songs, it became obvious that the project should continue with Moore singing.

Fates Warning often performs the songs "shutDOWN" and "The New Math" at their concerts with singer Ray Alder on vocals and Portnoy guesting on drums.

Mike Portnoy had been vocal about his disapproval of how the project turned out and stated he would not participate in another OSI album. Later rumors began to circulate that he would indeed record with OSI again when he was spotted in Toronto at the same time the second album was being recorded. He later confirmed this on his message board though his involvement was minimal the second time around.

OSI released Free in 2006, with Portnoy again on drums. Malone was replaced by Joey Vera, Matheos' bandmate in Fates Warning, on bass for five tracks (the remaining were programmed synth bass tracks by Moore) due to the distance and time issues surrounding Malone's teaching and doctoral studies in music theory at the University of Oregon.

On September 5th, 2008, Kevin Moore announced that he and Jim Matheos had been working on OSI's third studio album for a few months. According to his statement in the news section of the official Chroma Key website, Mike Portnoy has been replaced by Porcupine Tree drummer Gavin Harrison. Matheos will be playing bass. Mikael Åkerfeldt has since revealed on the official Opeth website that he co-wrote and performed vocals for a song titled "Stockholm" on the new record.

The most recent album, Blood, was released on April 27 2009 in Europe and May 19 in the U.S. via InsideOut Music.

*

Line Up:

+ Jim Matheos (Fates Warning) - guitars

+ Kevin Moore (Chroma Key, Dream Theater) - vocals, keyboards

Guest Musicians:

+ Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater) - drums on Free and Office of Strategic Influence

+ Gavin Harrison (Porcupine Tree, King Crimson) - drums on Blood [1]

+ Steven Wilson (Porcupine Tree, No-Man, Blackfield, Bass Communion, IEM) - vocals on the track "shutDOWN" on Office of Strategic Influence

+ Tim Bowness (No-Man) - vocals on the track "No Celebrations" on Blood

+ Mikael Åkerfeldt (Opeth) - vocals on the track "Stockholm" on Blood

+ Sean Malone (Gordian Knot, Cynic) - bass, Chapman Stick on Office of Strategic Influence

+ Joey Vera (Fates Warning) - bass on Free

Discography:

+ Office of Strategic Influence (February, 2003)

+ Free (April, 2006)

+ re:free (EP) (November, 2006)

+ Blood (April, 2009)

*

The Last album, "Blood", when I first time heard the new one, I was impressed and taken into the tunnel of amazingness. The absolute first time I heard this band, was in a car, driving somewhere with family, and my father had just found this somewhere, (he always keeps finding new stuff, and I get that from him), I knew I needed to have a closer look to this after we get home. It took me some time, and some growing, when I eventually got it running in my blood properly. And until now - one of the purest projects that I have heard. So complex, and yet simple. It takes me away, and lets me fall and crash and burn with flames, but this is all for good, only for good.

The information from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OSI_(band)

The pictures are from: http://www.last.fm/music/OSI/+images

The videos from: http://ww.youtube.com

Pull the trigger, baby!.

I have tried to write in my own firedim blue room, where the small lamp have exploded, 'cause its importance turned over the red. Now I sit in the plain darkness and write the words, that seem to have no other outlet, than to take me to the trip of insanity.

I keep the eye on and play out the role of visual witness - when you don't know how to live, why to let others suffer. Over and over again. But even Cobain won't make the bitterness better, only tempers and paints it roughly red. Blood, you sear on my lips. Blood, who still longs for you. Blood... you promise me to starve, you let me flee into the opposite direction, from where the wind blows me back. Blood...

Maybe... Maybe I am just naive?. Innocent for eternity. Clear and unspoiled. Lies and falseness!.

No one can be innocent, when intentionally involuntarily and involuntarily intentionally the soul is closing itself into bottomless void, and destroys everything who, what is embracing this lifeless breath. Knowing, that inbetween with itself, things get worse - one by one, step by step - though... this never reaches to it, never it cares of others.

Blood, come and stoke me into the new. Blood, he smiles on my wall, inbetween this gray mass, on that black-white photograph. Blood, he has gone 16 years ago, yet we still remember him. Blood, come and boil me into the new.

I still wait for this money, though money... is just a paper, yet with this paper I can buy my love, my desire, my passion - nicotin. My lungs have whitered and I can not keep up with this drought no longer. Hallucinations play melanholically stringed instruments and scream alongside with the piano - "Want, want, want, want!". Punk rock and grunge play chestris in the most deepest burrow, I still haven't gotten enough of 'em. Grunge have overpowered the punk, and the punk is gone. Long gone. And everyone, still try, still try to fill it with the old fire. Blood, you lie and deceive. He is dead, everything is dead, everything dies.

February 17th // Trail of thoughts.

Six hours of sleep and the feeling matches with the image of being torned apart. Who's fault is it?. From our own choices we pay: with health, sleep or love. 

One day, I woke up in the middle of the apartment, traveling around and looking for the cash. There was none, not even a sinlge penny. The craving in my lungs have pressed itself into my whole guts. The craving after cigarettes. Why that kind of agonizing desire?. Just like a sin, what will save me from plague and doupt. 

Human beings are ugly, smartenin' their deck with the stranger's feathers, grabbing after those unknown ideological masks, breathlessly. There is no need to ask about what I write or think, if you are unable to follow the crash. I am lost in my own maze of brain. The only one, who can rip it up is me, myself and I. What is logical to me, is illogical to others and disorganized mess of chaos. Well, you don't need to understand me, only if I don't get myself lost in this, that is important.

Sore Verity

People love my body, but not the me.

I am the doll, a mannequin on that everlasting life window.

They talk to me the lie, when on their burning lips, they tell to know, 

I haven't found that "the One". That my own and intimate. Though, I do

not care, 'cause I am tired of this show, those illusions and dreams, what

seems to have no end. Reality is another chess play, and its men have 

illustrative bloodstains. From last lives, the echoing sins become the bodypainting

of our ancestors.

You love my shell, but you have no idea about my entrails.

you have no idea, what rythm beats my heart,

or on what path those white bloodcells are rushing.

You are the Drag, baby. I am the Queer.

Why this has to hurt, when I see her name somewhere?.

A picture or something else?.

Why I keep torturing myself over and over again?.

Why I can't let go, but keep an eye on her doings...

I feel so awful, like a gas in acid.

Escaping is the easiest way out, when something gets to overwhelming.

I am such a bitch, acting for my own good.

Yet, this is a damn about a time, since all I have done in the past years of my stupid life, is living for others.

Never get anything to myself, just cause I think that this suits, but go after thoughts of other.

And now they wander, why I am silent, bitter and cold, and so mean, when I speak up my mind. 

This is called truth, and truth makes me the enemy, the bitch. Oh well, let it make, but I refuse to play those games that you all have played with me so far.

I am not another follower, I am a feline, who walks by herself.

A rebel, an anarchist, a revolutionary.

*

The Truth:

“I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” - K.D.Cobain 

Make me bleed, my love.

I want to disappear.

Make me disappear, darling.

I want to fly away on the eagle wing.

Smash down all those cities.

All they do, all they do is hurt.

I want to disappear.

Make me bleed, darling.

Let the blood flow and make me become one with the enernity.

Pull down all the doors and windows.

Make me bleed, my love, make me fade away.

*

Things hasn't changed, everything is the same old, same old. Few crushes here and there, but I quit. Maybe too easily, but it doesn't really matter. My own peace is more important. 

Started with new Estonian Blog. Sometimes it is good to write in my own mother tongue, the thoughts run smoother, though there is no problems with English too.

I stopped going to see doctors. My migraines and headaches, well... they are still here, but I manage. 

Have had couple of wars at home, same as usual.

There is nothing worth to mention.

Have fallen in love for couple of times, but I push this feeling out of myself rather fast.

I miss certain people, but I am too proud to fall back.

Not going to make same mistakes over and over and over again.

Not worth it.

My own peace is more important.