Humor

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2.) You haven't played Solitare with real cards in years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) You read this list and keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice that #5 is missing.

10.) You actually scroll up to check...

11.) And now you laugh at your own stupidity.

12.) Put this in your journal if you fell for it. You know you did...

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Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together

Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.

Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

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FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we fucked up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shittttt!!

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER:Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA:Here it is.

TEACHER:Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS:Maria.

TEACHER:John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN:You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER:Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN:K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER:No, that's wrong

GLENN:Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHERonald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD:H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER:What are you talking about?

DONALD:Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER:Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE:Me!

TEACHER:Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN:Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER:Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE:I is..

TEACHER:No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE:All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER:George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS:Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER:Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON:No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.T

TEACHER:Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE :No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER:Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD:A teacher