About feeling and empathy

 

This has been long time, since I have felt my own feelings and emotions.

Most of the time... most of the time they are other people's.

The cause of being strong empath.

 

There was a time, when I made myself totally numb. 

And then there came times, when someone dear to me told:

"Don't push these feelings away from you, feel them, let them suck you, drown you until you feel the bottom. Then release them and become free."

They are so real that want to tear my heart apart. 

Strange is, that they don't hurt me the way I thought they will. 

 

I wanna be there when you call
I wanna catch you when you fall
I wanna be the one you need
I wanna be the one you breathe
-Seether, Fade Away

 

I am nervous, restless. My lungs need cigarette, but I can't ask more money from my mom.

I need to get away from here, from Estonia if possible.

I need to find really good job and place to live.

I need to pay back all this money for my family - parents and brother.

Then I can live for my own, do what I need to do.

 

I don't know if to fulfill the promise I made for myself.

I don't know what will happen when I am 27.

Will I go, or not.

Dilemmas.

There have swam new reasons on the surface why to stay and live on.

And there are those reasons that haunt, why to go.