Velvet Goldmine

Music: David Bowie (L)

I was playing one of my favourite games Mahjong and listening to David Bowie. I started to think back to my life and all these jobs that I have done.
I have been an ice cream seller; the customer service; the hall service in the market; newspaper seller on the street ((when I was only a kid)); I have picked strawberries; and some more that I can't recall at the moment. The longest period of time that I have worked on one place has been around 5 months, no more.

I am the rake. There have been times when I have lived from mouth to mouth, traveled from city to city, from floor to floor. Sometimes, if I were lucky, I got to sleep on the bed, in the empty closet, in the wheelbarrow with a mattress and a warm blanket, in a cold tent without no blanket, on a bench, in the grass, under the tree.
The roads have been open to me. The glasses were allways full... or was I full of alcohol.
It happened when I attended the most craziest parties in my life.
A birthday party of my hippiefriend. His cake was dressed up with three red toadstools and it was cut in pieces with chainsaw. No scratch were found on the plate, yet everything and everyone around it were covered with splashes of the biscuitcake.
Or those things I had to go through.
When the toilet was stuffed and to do my everyday natural thing, I had to go to supermarket or in a popular and my favourite bar near by. Just to pee, you had to take a plastic small bowl with long handle, filled it with a yellow or less yellow liquir, flushed it down to sink, washed these both and you were happily ever after lucky when you got to go to the next round after a while. When I felt like a lot of gases and wanted to shit, just simply shit, I went to supermarket; into the public femme toilet. Willingly. And left it filled with quite pretty smell of something brown and thick.

*

Six different cities to "live", over 10 to 15 different places to pass by. Choose next "lets play a family a little while, shall we". Moving over and over again. 23 going to 24. What a shame?. I have no money of my own nor a job. I am living on my parent's wallet. All my friends are gone, dissappeared and I am standing still... or moving on... I have no idea.
The fear to live in the reality is bigger than any other fear I possess. Reality has too sharp edges and it has too much "lets think now like adults... oh fuck... lets be the adults... lets be lovers with money and capitalism... lets have the best job with the best salary... lets have the best clothes from Dolce & Gabana and own the most expensive apartment... lets fuck with every different model, singer, rocknroller every fucking night... lets be the rocknroll suicide... no, it is just too cheap for me... lets just be the slave of the society".

*

Lately I have no need after alcohol, yet if I drink something and get the feeling that now I want some more, more, more, moooooore. And if I eventually get more it ends up with tears. Blah. So stupid. Broken nervs, viva la trashed nervs. Booyaa!.
Lately I have no need for alcohol, I just want to smoke cigarets. Pack, then another, then third. Just to smoke, fill my launges with more dirt. Kill my soul with nicotine heaven.


Booooyah!.
Rocka Chase
xxxx