Concept of Conclusions

I don't know how to survive in this slumber.
Medicine has got me in the net.
Want to smoke,
want to smoke the dirt,
but everything is circling me in.

I could feel, hear the heart
throbbing everywhere.
Where are you?.
Behind which corner you hide now?.
Where is it?.
Behind what curtain is the closure?.

Where is it?.

But I know. I do know.
How to survive.

Screams. Squeals.

Screams. Dreams.

Why they pull me out of my dreams?.

Pull me.

Pull me, fingers.

I am the trigger.

Battles

I have been struggling with my own darkness for so long, and I have given up. So many time, I have let it beat me up. Beat me up, until my blood flows. And I never fought back.

This time it is different. I have had help. And it is the end of hurting people, whom care about me. I will change. I will become stronger and I will no longer believe in the darkness. I will root it out from my heart, from my soul.

There is only my voice now.
And it feels good...

Need You...

One person, whom before had no face, is now haunting in my dreams. Most likely he is black skinned young man, and he loves me. I know it. I want him back to my side.

He is the reason, why I haven't commited myself into relationships. I miss him, I love him. He is my twin flame and I have been searching for him, waiting for him. He is the only one, whom can make me whole. He is my second part after all. Without him I am just half, non-functioning energetic system. There are only very few who understand it, sadly. But hey, it is okay. I will be patient and craving, and I know we will meet soon enough. Can't lose the hope, I just can't give up on him nor on my own self as well!.

Wherever you are, a man with such dark skin of honey, come sooner!. I need you. I am in love with you, like I always was past life, and every life before it. Come and find me!. Quick!. Sooner!. Faster!. Please...

* * *

It is raining snow here!. But at least it remains on the ground a little bit longer!. You guys have no idea, how much I love it, adore it, embrace it!. Winter is the only season, where I feel absolutely solid, comfortable and safe. I am able to rest during that time, the pain is relieved by the pureness of the "Death Season". Yet it is never the end. It is always the beginning.

* * *

Few days ago I understood, why I can't find words to write solid stuff in Estonian poems and etc. Because...

... I just don't have a muse. So here I sit, in my mind, all these words driving me crazy. Since I just can't put them out there, in the perfect little lines. I can write only in English, and they are drowning in sadness and gore. These are written out, when I just feel like ripping someone apart. When They are being a nauseus family again.

I need Love to write, I need a Muse to write about it all.

Greetings To All Of My Readers!.

OH!. And I have already over 1000 people read my blog!. I am actually really happy about it!. Thank you everyone for supporting me and keeping an eye over the stuff that I am going through!. (:

And if you are afraid to comment on any posts, don't be!. With your help and thoughts added to mine, we all can improve into a better person!.

Mellow Alone In The Autumn City

My small trip started on the 19th October of 2010, yesterday that is. I was sitting in our typical smallt own's bus station, smoking my cherry tobacco, self rolled strawberry minted cigarette and waited in the breezy suburbia the one ride to take me into the larger city. Bigger streets and buzzer society.

From the blink of the eye, when all these ants where gathering, I saw this one person. 

My first thought was :: "It is Little L!." 

Then after a brake of a second :: "No, it is not Little L."  

And after a little observation, I understood from the way she was walking that indeed, it is her!. Oh what a day!. At least I didn't have to ride all the way alone. At least one familiar face in all of this chaotic swirls that kept going and going not only in my mind with a loud bangs, but also in front of my eyes with silent existence.

After having a hug, the bus came soon!. The road went by like riding in a milky way. Beautifully spoken by the soul, whom spent the Saturday in between people, whom are so dear to her and as well communication without these masks and faćades, she has to wear every single moment in home with Them. My soul and heart was at peace, in harmonious silence and happiness, when we arrived home one or two o'clock after midnight. [After the military time, of course. I still haven't gotten totally used to the PM and AM thing.]

We were mingling in different little shops and explored the beauty of the New Yorker and one accessories shop. Oh these little extacies and joyful surprises, when we found little earrings of Geishas, bunnies, bears, cats and everything other that cought our eyes. Ideas flashing through the mind of the soul, what she could do better and with not such cash, something to make on her own and with her small hands, with not so much money and a lot more original ideas!.

After this our ways departed after she had some business in the Wool and stuff shop in the main marketing street of Pärnu. [Yes, it is all still running around in Estonia. Wait for some more time and you'll find me making entries in other places around the world as well. Hopefully!. ;)] Okay, I remember now that I wanted to mention in the beginning, that I had to meet up with Naks, but he didn't call like he told me that he will. And later it came out, when he did, hours and hours later, that he had stuff to do. Oh my!. Is it really that hard to make a small call or send a message that you can't at the moment?. I had everything planned according to the fact that he will call to me!. It pisses me off and I don't like the fact, that someone is so fucking dumb and can't think about other people's time as well. Yes, I felt insulted and ran over, and I still kind of do, because these words that I want to tell him are climbing up to my flesh walls and screaming to be said out loud//written out in the messenger. I know, I know, that none of us acts after the perfect patterns, but cmon, you still should have common sense!.

So I just waited for him in Café Frens, where I ordered some red tea. You get 3 cups of deliciousness with 20 Estonian Krones!. It is something really not that expensive, and I really love this place!. The atmosphere is swirlingly red, black and few other minimal colors. Smooth jazz echoes back from your own mind, creating breathless moments in your little space, that you have inhabited, when taken a seat in chosen location in this place. Tried to start reading "Dorian Grey Portrait", but failed miserably, since I had so much to observate and think of. So many interesting people coming and going and almost like automatically I started to play a game on my own self, that I am sure many people love to play with themselves or between two-three other people. Think what lives these individuals live, what they like and what is happening in their lives at this moment. And you never know how much you hit the right mark, and this is what makes it all mysterious and enjoyable in your own life. Not knowing how much you read them like books. This is what makes it all one beautiful journey of every being that plays a role in your little games of your mind.

* * *

I guess the way I look is eye-catching, even when I don't wear anything particular and I am mingling in my homerooms. Never actually totally cared about the "latest trends", but it does not mean that I don't keep an eye on the Fashion World. The thing is that I don't actually like, and never have, to limit myself. There is constant experimenting, as well just constant "trying-new-things". I take everything that I see that I can add to my collection of Vintage and Retro pieces, and other things, so my own style is even more ME. For long time people wondered how this can be, that I take absolutely idiotic pieces together, put them on and I just wear them out. Simple like that. No problem. Latley, I have started to value that and it helps to grow my still unstable self-esteem. I have naturally curly hair!. I totally loathed them, when I was younger, but people are jealous of it, and damn, I value that as well now and am furious, when they don't hold like I want them to!. x3

Little L. once told me that I remind of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & the City TV Series. It surprised me. Then she explained that our hair and sense of style is so similar. This made me blush and think over it, that I never actually took anything from her literally. It was more like, aknowleding something that is so natural for my own self and it gave me inspiration, that it is totally okay to dress like that!. That there is nothing to be worried over!. Her character is like a Mentor in a way!.

* * *

Lately I fell in love with Alexander Wang's creations, when I had nothing to watch from the TV several-many days ago at home during another illuminative night howl. It is something that took me, well... breatheless is too little to say. Something to my taste, like totally!.

The man has born on May 17, 1984. And it gives me more gourage to go for it totally. To get rid of my shyness that I have, to press myself through more with my own style of art!. Take the control in my own hands!. Another person, whom inspires me more than I can knowledge at this moment.

His minimalistic and simple designs are something that I would wear so damn proudly, for sure!. And at the same time they are so bold and raw, yet maintain this mysterious elegance that pulls me like a magnet.

His spring collection is so white!. Mixed with tints of rusty golden and brown. And still it all reminds me of Japan or Asian culture, that I adore, deeply hidden in my heart. The edges of the jackets, the free falling-flowing of the materials. Long sleeves of the pullovers just call you to wear them, to embrace the feeling of the sensation, when it touches against your skin. And then there comes blue!. This light seagreen-blue. Baggy kind of pants [I have forgotten the right name, for dammit!.]. Silver!. Shady spots of color that is chosen by the careful, genius eye!. Long pant-costumes. Want!. Want!. Want!. It is like an addiction, and dear Gods, I wish I had money. Just to buy something that is so valuable and not many people understand the value of another artist's work.

Bags!.
Intelligent designs, that is must-be-to-have, yet they keep Wang's usual simple tone to it. Simple, and yet intelligent.

Wang's Tees and Hoodies are... so "mellow". This is the only word to take out of my tired mind at the moment, and it is not meant by the bad way, but by the bestest meaning possible. His work is something for everyday comfortable wearing, and also certainly for those, who have some courage to wear them out.

His homepage. Go and seek my new favourate!.
<333
Alexander Wang

* * *

Okay, so much about this. A good friend of mine worked on my nails, by cutting in!. xD But hey, it happens, she is still learning this stuff. I was lazying around her work place today few hours too, then ran to my appointment like a flash of angry and pusling ball, since the cars were everywhere and their speed and poolsplashings got on my nerves rather quickly. Got my stuff done, and soon my other friend was with me!. We roamed around the shops and boutiques, buying stuff with our eyes. Finally finished in the cafeteria, and meeting my other friend, whom studies in Finland. It was so good to see her too!. I miss my little Marie!. <333

So now I am all home and evereything is so tired in me, but I can't go yet. I need my damn dose of music!. x3

the Soul

xoxo

Substitute People :: One of Them - Me

Today I felt like talking about this matter[s] of substitute persons and people alike.

I have always felt that I am one, and when I watched the movie called "Elizabethtown" I found out the writer had written down, and said out loud by the characters, something that I have always thought of, but never said out loud.

Here are qoutes and little thoughts throughout the internet that I have found so far.
I have provided the link as well, since I am not the original artist.


Introduction

From Little Nuances blog ::

On one night in the movie, as two main characters [Claire and Drew] are walking through Elizabethtown, she turns to him and says: "You and I have a special talent. And I saw it immediately. We're the substitute people. I've been the substitute person my whole life. I'm not an Ellen. I never wanted to be Ellen. And I'm not Cindy either. Although Chuck's love me. I like being alone too much. I mean, I'm with a guy, who is married to his academic career. I rarely see him and I'm the substitute person there. I like it that way. It's a lot less pressure."

Who hasn't felt like a substitute person at some point? While being a substitute person does mean that you had to be close enough to the real thing to earn the title of substitute, it also means that you weren't quite good enough, or funny enough, or smart enough, or good-looking enough. And the worst thing about it is—you know it, but since being a substitute person is better than not being in the game, you accept the position.

But when two people, like Drew and Claire are drawn together, neither has the look or feel of a substitute to one another. Instead, each person becomes the new standard for originality. But originality often leads to an internal struggle between grasping it while one still can and freedom—without which, originals quickly move into the past tense.

Obviously, a lot of people can relate to Claire's character. I really don't believe Claire when she implies that she likes being a substitute person. She tries to convince Drew, and I'm sure herself, that she likes not feeling needed or in demand all the time during a relationship.

But if that were really true, she wouldn't have spent the entire night on the phone with Drew. She wouldn't have switched her work schedule so she could be with him as he dealt with his father's death. She wouldn't have shared her dreams, and fears, and insecurities with him. She wouldn't have told him that their first kiss was more intimate than most of the sex she'd had in her life. She wouldn't have made him the travel kit. And she wouldn't have been willing to let him go—hoping that he'd choose to be with her at the end of his journey.

Nobody wants to be a substitute person. We just claim that the position is acceptable because we're afraid that nobody will ever consider us an original. But along with way, most will consider us substitute people and that's not a knock against them or us. They have an original in mind and for whatever reason—justified or not, we don't live up to it.

The problem comes when we embrace substitute person status, like Claire did, because embracing it means that we'll never get to see wonder in the other person's eyes as we tell him or her about our theories, our beliefs, our hopes, and our dreams. It means we'll never get that all-knowing, all-understanding hand-squeeze, or look from the person we love that says, "I know exactly what you are thinking or feeling and I want you to know that it means just as much to me as it does to you.

No matter how much we try to convince ourselves that being a substitute person is better than not being in the game, the seeming cruel and mocking indifference we receive from someone who doesn't consider us an original slowly crushes our will to live a vibrant life. I'd much rather be out living the life I choose right now because it allows me to save my experiences in an emotional place where one day I hope to invite a person who considers me to be her original.


Deeper Views

So much for the Introduction part. Let's move on, shall we?.

"If you watch movies long enough, eventually you'll see your life up on the screen." 

~ Roger Ebert, in reviewing the movie Angus.

From the Joe Guse ::
This exchange from the movie Elizabethtown truly hit me like a ton of Bricks. This was it. This captured a feeling I’ve had my whole life. I was a substitute person. A second choice. Someone people “settled” for.

How did this happen? In many ways I’ve lived a spectacular life. I’ve been a comedian on some of the most popular stages in the world, I’ve written books, had wonderful adventures, gotten degrees, and been, generally speaking an outgoing, kind, generous, and compassionate person.

And yet……… I’ve always felt second best. Always been the guy in the bar walking out with the cleaning crew. The shoulder to cry on, the “friend”, the third wheel, the seat filler, the loner, the single, the guy by himself at the dinner table.

How does one become a substitute person? Is a substitute person made or are we born? We’re second best because we’ve slowly grown into these roles and now it’s what we think we must deserve. As with many types of pervasive personality patterns, this likely starts in childhood.

From the Facebook Group ::

What is a substitute person? They are people that go through life, being there at events or gatherings or are always there for someone, even if they never get noticed, or talked too. This includes friendships, dating relationships, or engagements sometimes. People can even call you friends but in the end, they don't really know you, just cause they don't take the time "to" know you. But for us, most of the time, that is alright. Cause were there if they need us.

What I Felt...
...going through all this?.

When I read many people talking about how they are as the same as I am, then it cut through me like I was a simple butter. This is no easy life for us, the Substitute People, but we survive, somehow.

It did start for me in the childhood. When my a year younger biological brother was born. He was ill, very ill, but I felt like pushed aside. I still do and there is nothing I can change about it. I can't make people think or feel in different way that they really are. It is not fair, and I have never pushed them to do what they really feel like shouldn't. They make their own decisions, as I make my own. And if someone takes it away, it is actually unwritten law, a real criminal act, barriering someone's freedom of choice.

Even though I am the older child, I still get the "left overs" from my brother, since he gets everything first. The first red bike. The first cd-player. The first mp3-player. The first choice. The first... and I just get what is left of it. Of course this is what the life brings us, we just need to swallow and move on.

"They are the sidekicks, the loyal friends, the fans, and the men and women behind the scenes." 

~ Joe Guse

And some people just fantasize being one. Yes, do that, but you never know what it really means to actually be one, be one to the end of your deepest core.

Ignorance

There is a room, where the light bulb has gotten dirty.
The light shines with murky illumination, distracting flies
from their landing trajectory. This way they never
can burn themselves. They never lose their ignorance.

Bleak trees lick the windless desert, behind these
high windows, that angry voice of obedience has
shattered every square of glass. The everlasting
storm finally have stopped. Stopped screaming.

The hallow silence remains inside. Is there ever end
to this malady that grows on the walls?. Spreading its
black roots, digging deeper in the living,
that only I can water from this delicious starvation.

Where is this bed with this ever sleeping corpse?.
Where is this bed where lays a woman, grief dripping
out from that cracked skin?. Drop by drop, the blanket
of blood is being poured out. To the floor. To the floor,
covered with scribbled words from echoes.

Soundless, endless fall. 

The ever lasting storm has finally stopped 

just so it all could start from the beginning once again...

Thorns & More Poison

Seems that there is no chance to trust anyone truly, nor to open up to someone. And I am in the middle of two sides of mine self. To tell him that he betrayed my trust, or just... not. Though there is third choice as well. To make him tell me, that he... hurt me by just telling what I asked him not to.

I don't call them my friends like this. This is not... right, by in many means. If someone has asked me to keep something, and I am confronted like he was. I prefer to die, than brake that promise made. I can't. I just can't tell. It is against the code that I am living. The code of honor and pride. The code of a knight, a warrior.

People tend not to know the true meaning of a promise, it seems. I just... don't understand them. I just want to disappear. Go away from the society. Stay away from it as much as possible, but I know... that I am not ready for that just yet.

I still haven't cried, for about seven days. I feel it... how it all... gathers inside of me. The silent screams are mixed with those tears of darkness and pain. But I know, that crying makes it all better, easier, lighter... but I can't... just somehow I am not able to lately.

There has been only one tear. One cold tear on my warm human skin. I don't know if anyone ever sees this in me... I don't want others to worry about me. I don't want to burden them, and yet... they protect me. Care for me. I... I don't understand why?.

Most of the times, animes help. They really help, but when there is something familiar to my own self, it is harder and I feel something, I hear something, crashing inside of me. Inside the depth, where no one else can see but me.

Yet there are people, who feel the same that I do. The screaming. The... feeling that you can't name by any name and in no language. I take a deep breathe and try to move on, worrying myself sick over one of my closest friends.

I don't know where I stand at this moment, there is too much going on, and still nothing...

For Joinging A dA Group

Message:
Rarely am I using the computers to pump up my art, every detail, every line is made by hand. My pen, my ink, my colors and my brushes are my tools. I breathe as traditional artist, and this is what keeps me alive!.

* * *

Penny today about my later art ::

 "the art is perfect, the colors are very well chosen and when you look you can't say if thats paper or created on a computer program"

How To Destroy Angels

Fantastic!.

Trent & Mariqueen Reznor!.

Thank you, Penny!. 
<33  

Monroe Fish & The Lady

 The Monroe Fish 

Ink- and gelpens.

*From here everything starts. 

The Monroe Fish 

*The Finished One 

Postcard Size

Color pencils, and so forth.

For Sale. 

The Lady Blue Pumpkin 

* From here it starts...

 

What The Colors Spill

Mother Mary, She's the Rain You'll Know

By me!.

 

A Postcard Size.

Sold. 

Familiar Taste of Poison

Every day I wake up with sore body. There are thousand acid needles throbbing in my head. The pain is constant and never leaves me behind. It is like living hell...

... and lately it has been hard. Emotionally. These drowning and down periods//moments come and go as they please. Mostly they are available, when I stumble over my own rotting spots.

Yesterday I spoke with Kai, and he finally asked from me :: "You have something on your heart too, Sister?. Yes?."
I asked back, surprised that he noticed anything at all :: "How did you figure?."
He explained :: "I have felt it for some time now. I just wasn't sure to ask. I thought it would be unpolite."
[Though, I can't recall the exact wording, but it is the meaning that matters, right?. Right.]
And then we talked, some time... and it still isn't easier for me... the burden is not lighter. I keep wandering, how I can make it better... but the answers keep running away from me, leaving me on the shore of the sea of death.

Often, when I need to go outside and meet someone, hang out and have a good time, and during that time there is something going on, or that I am just gone with my own self, then I pull up this beautiful and happy and joyful facade, a mask that never lets anything through, and no one understands, no one sees that something is awfully wrong. There are very few people, who can dial it up, when they see me. They detect the pain from my eyes, even though these are one part that I can't control. Then I avoid looking into theirs. And one or two from these few feel it in my voice. It has no understanding in my mind. I try, I try my fucking best to hide it. But I guess the most precious, the bestest people around me, whom have known me quite a time, just know... well enough, when something is off. I just would like to shut that part off too, so they wouldn't feel burdened, maybe. I don't really... I just.... blah.

And I have this going with me, when I am down, then I just don't let anyone, and I mean anyone, touch me nor hug me. I just don't want them to see that I can be weak too. I just can't let them. Because there is no room for pity nor any other similar emotion nor act. If you don't understand, then fuck off. Seriously. If you don't have any advice, then you can fuck off even harder. I don't have time for this drama that some can pull off, if I refuse from their affection. Kai asked me once, a while back, when we talked about this, that what I would do, when he'd hug me suddenly like this. I said simply and with a slight pout that I fight back to get free. No touchy!. But then he kept going, and asked again, what I'd do if he would not let go. After a pause I just said giving up, that I just would calm down a little and let you hug me.

*Sigh.*
There is one thing, one energy, one emotion that I am most afraid of, and yet it is the second thing beside Death that I long for, crave for, desire for. People know it as Love. I am so afraid of it, that I just push every possible seed away, when there is any kind of chance, that someone feels the same about me as I feel about him//her. It pulls my all insides out and leave a shell behind, laying on the ground with no blood, but just soil. Rain dropping down, and yet never giving any water to the drought that I have in this landscape. I push people away, when they get too close to me. And then I run.

I.

Just.

Run.

And when I see couples. In the past I wanted to rip them both apart. Into little pieces. Just because I was jealous. But I learned to live with it, learned to honor the commitmet of relationships, and the jealousy disappeared. I feel happy for them, and yet from time to time, there is this tiny little dagger, making my soul sting alongside with my small sized human heart. The Spring is the most painful time, Summer is okay. I hide myself away from the world, and yet...

I still keep running, no matter what, until there comes wall on my way. Maybe this can stop me, for once.

For A Person, Whom Is Uknown To Others

I don't know why, but the moment, when you went to sleep, I feel empty. You can make a person to smile instantly and it is good. Maybe I shouldn't say these words, but I feel a need to place them and write them out.

We are allowed to hope, right?. But then why I say myself that it is wrong to feel like that?. Desparately looking for someone, whom just... care for and about me as I care about him//her. It drives me insane, mad and angry that I keep torturing myself. Waiting does not help. Searching does not help. And here I am standing on the crossroad and just lurking in the shadows for fake dreams, that I manage to build up...

...but I can't help what I feel. Am I played with?. Or am I just playing with my own self?. So many questions and no more answers. If there was only a muse for me, maybe I could write again as I did few years ago. I know I can, but there is this big hole inside of me that makes me want to drop down and just...

...give up.

* * *

But thank you, my dear friend, for bringing smile on my lips and blush on my cheeks. Talking to you just makes me feel good. Just like I make you feel good, when you talk to me. Maybe we just have a good connection, who knows. (: I hope that you sleep well, and it has been few hours since I told that I will go to sleep soon. I will... Just... there are things to think about, and... yeah. I will go to sleep soon, and I hope that you have nice dreams and you rest well. 

<333

* * *

I just love you all, my friends. 

So much!.

M.

Kai is Crazy!.

+ℓуяι¢αℓ+ says:
 I will be the one to catch you when you fall.

..:: Gire Gire Docinho ::.. says:
 eh?
 HAHA
 if I am falling, there won't be no one to catch me, I am certain of that!.

+ℓуяι¢αℓ+ says:
 Being a pain in the ass, aren't you? heh... <3

..:: Gire Gire Docinho ::.. says:
 yes I am xD

* * * 

+ℓуяι¢αℓ+ says:
 Don't stop baby, Don't stop..
 XD

..:: Gire Gire Docinho ::.. says:
 hentai you are being again xD

+ℓуяι¢αℓ+ says:
 If you wanna "drown," I'll provide you an oxygyn tank, a mask, and a wet suit?

..:: Gire Gire Docinho ::.. says:
 stupid Kai! XD

+ℓуяι¢αℓ+ says:
 Oh, and a spear gun.... and a light...
 And a knife in case.
 XD

..:: Gire Gire Docinho ::.. says:
 baka xD

Pretty in Vein

 

Picture from the depths of the internet.

Edit by Penny.

Lyrics by Nine Inch Nails 

<333

She's Psyche!.

Photo :: Me

Model :: Little L.

Manipulation & Edit :: Me

The Lyrics :: Massive Attack :: Psyche

This is a silent burn....

Never is too late to pray...

The day is filled with something
that you quite can't speak of.
Are they shadows from the dreams,
where the highway was nothing
but empty
with one ghostly car
roaming over the desert
that lays on both side of the road?.
Or was it certain someone from the past,
now without any kind of possibility
to claim back his face?.

I do not have answers for you.
Pass on and leave me
all alone
in this sandstorm.
Catching last breathes,
when I drown into the lake of desires.

Newest Discoveries on the Music Landscapes.

The Be Good Tanyas :: Human Thing

The Be Good Tanyas are an acoustic trio with folk and americana influences, hailing from Vancouver, British Columbia. They play a combination of original and traditional material, and are notable for their lush vocal harmonies.

The group features Frazey Ford (guitar, vocals), Samantha Parton (guitar, mandolin, banjo, vocals) and Trish Klein (electric guitar, banjo, harmony vocals). Jolie Holland is a former member and also a frequent guest.

* * *


Old Crow Medicine :: I Hear Them All

Old Crow Medicine Show is a folk/country group from Nashville, Tennessee. Along with original songs, the band performs many pre-World War II blues and folk songs. The style of music they perform is sometimes called alt-country, but today more often referred to as Americana.

The song Wagon Wheel is written based off a chorus composed by Bob Dylan for the film Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid.

 

* * *

Xela :: Afraid of Monsters

* * *

Straight Line Stitch :: Black Veil

Armed with an unstoppable work ethic and a musical vocabulary that stretches from face-ripping metal to soulful, stratospheric rock, Knoxville, TN, quintet STRAIGHT LINE STITCH are poised to grab heavy music by the horns with their Raging Nation/KOCH Records debut, When Skies Wash Ashore. Though just 11 tracks in length, the album packs more dynamics and diversity than many bands’ entire catalogs. Not surprising, then, that the five individuals that make up STRAIGHT LINE STITCH have spent a lifetime honing their craft to reach this point.

Technically speaking, the STRAIGHT LINE STITCH story begins nine years, a handful of lineup changes, and two early releases (a demo EP and album, to be exact) ago. However, to understand the force that is STRAIGHT LINE STITCH today, simply fast-forward to 2003, when vocalist Alexis Brown joined the band. Though without formal training (recent screaming lessons from vocal coach Melissa Cross aside), Brown completed SLS’ sound with a multi-octave, multifaceted approach that could be snarling and guttural one moment, angelic and ethereal the next. Making her recorded debut on SLS’ second full-length, 2006’s self-released To Be Godlike, Brown defied gender and genre alike to emerge as one of the most promising vocalists, period, in modern heavy music.

Despite being followed by a few final lineup shifts, To Be Godlike cemented SLS’ core sound and generated a key partnership between the band and Raging Nation Films’ Dale “Rage” Resteghini.






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Trentemøller :: The Very Last Resort 





Anders Trentemøller is a Danish electronic musician from Copenhagen.



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Jesca Hoop :: Money



 Jesca Ada Hoop is a American singer-songwriter and guitarist from Northern California, who performs music that covers differing genres. Her musical mentor has been Tom Waits.

One of five children in a fifth generation Mormon couple, Hoop was steeped in a musical environment created by her family. She began performing as a child and starred in her high school choir.

Hoop broke away from the strictures of Mormonism just as her parents were separating. During this time, her mother Janette turned the basement into a theatre, and brought in all sorts of eccentrics to rehearse and put on musical plays for the community.

Jesca started to rebel against the traditions of her family and the only life she had known. “My girlfriend and I started smoking pot, which was such an out there thing for me to do given my upbringing. I was singing with the Santa Rosa Chamber Choir at that time. The combination of singing in that style for hours a day and smoking thrashed my voice…until it was gone. I had to leave the choir, and it took me about a year to regain my vocal strength. I had to re-teach myself how to sing in the ways that worked for me… Cut a new pattern and stitch myself back together. It was a blessing. It is why I sing the way I do. Appropriately, at that time I started listening to Kate Bush, Tom Waits, Björk and Diamanda Galas.”

 

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VAST :: Pretty When You Cry



VAST stands for Visual Audio Sensory Theater, and is the brainchild of Los Angeles-based singer-songwriter and musician Jon Crosby.

The musical outfit began in rather minimalist fashion when Jon was only sixteen, with the other members of the outfit being a drum machine and a bass player.

Their real rise to fame began when a local radio station granted consistent air-time to their demo tape, after which Crosby sent demo tapes to New York City recording companies, eventually signing with Elektra Records. Thomas Froggatt, Steve Clark, and Rowan Robertson made up the hastily-assembled band along with Crosby. 

 

Potion for the Healthy...

Eh. The days go in a daze. The nights go in a darkness, when I take the pill. It is yet always different. There might be fear, or just joy of grotesque, that only I can enjoy since it all is in my mind...

I am awake. Wide awake, yet still shaking like an autumn leaf and feel like floating on the surface. No chance of drowning, I do not have time for this. And yet... "time" is just a concept. But you have to hold a grip onto it, since you still need to survive in this god damn society. With or without sanity. It does not matter.

Not for you at least. 

Because you just go with all of the stupid commerces and mass that roams around the most expensive streets, not knowing whom is moving them like bullets or just some chess pieces.

Mmm... bullets. They are something like... occasional obsession. 

I am... a bullet.

Striking through the core of the Illusion that you all know as Reality.

28.September.2010

 Listening to White Lie's "To Lose My Life 4 Play". It fascinates me more and more with every time, every minute, every second. And they speak about the subject that is so serious to most. Death. But.

Death is something part of everything, and people view it rather... wrongly, if I may say?. Yet we all have our own opinions and whom is to judge that?. No one. No one, since control is in YOUR hands. Others can't make your choices for you, since they are not living your life. No one. Not even your parents, nor husband, nor the one whom you love more than your own life... Life. It makes me laugh and amuses me. Is it alright to pray for the future that might not even come since you just make wrong decisions?. Whom is to... and there are going, my thoughts falling off from their path. Even I get lost into my own mind, and it may become a nightmare or just an amazing adventure.

I am alright. I am. I am.
At least this is what I tell to myself everyday, secretly.
I am alright. I am alright. I am...

26. September. 2010

The clock is turning to afternoon, and here I am, refusing to go out from my own room. Refusing to eat, even. Refusing to go to the bathroom or outside to drink fresh air and smoke one, or maybe more than this one, cigarette.

But I know... that I will not win this battle. My hunger is bigger than me, and my body tends to move on its own, when the mind is on the maze, where I manage to get myself lost perfectly well.

And here I am... hearing how they are placing the cups and spoons and sugar on the living room's table. Is someone coming to visit?. Or are they just drinking this super sweet and strong wine, what's taste I can only imagine, since my stomach is not ready for any kind of alcohol. As much as I would love to. As much as I would love to drink and disappear into the hole of no bottom and distress, that sometimes happens, when the daze is gone and I get sober again.

There is like... this something crawling inside of my own self. On these walls that we call flesh, nerves and many other possible names to name the functions of human body.

Here I am... caught in the net of my own delusions.

Music :: Fog People - Ms. Mad Love
Mood :: Distressed.